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Deciding how many children to have can be a complicated decision for any family. Sometimes parents know far in advance what their ideal family size is, and other times plans change due to circumstances out of their control. A 2018 New York Times poll discovered that many moms are choosing to have one child because of daycare costs, the emotional and mental impacts of being a mom as well as economic uncertainty. Being a part of the “one and done” club, whether it was willing or unwilling, can, unfortunately, result in questions or scrutiny from others. No matter how a family ends up having an only child, there are ways that can help to help everyone feel at peace.
Consider Your Specific Situation
Every family is different–there are factors like finances, work-life balance, lifestyle choices, home location, and more. What works best for one family may not work for another, and the ideal scenario for some families is having only one child. A mom wrote about her experience of deciding to not have any more children after their first baby for multiple reasons:
- Older age
- Difficulty conceiving the first time around
- Freelance careers and/or free spirit lifestyles
- Negative sibling experiences in childhood
- Happiness with how parenthood was currently going
These are all points that many moms can relate to. If these are reasons that resonate with your family, you are not alone. It’s clear that many other families have been considering the same reasoning. Family structure in the U.S. has been steadily shifting since the last generation, according to research:
“A recent Pew Research Center study found the number of women who reached the end of their child bearing years with only one child doubled in the last generation, from 11 percent in 1976 to 22 percent in 2015. Census data shows one-child families are the fastest growing family unit in the United States.”
While this shift has been noticeable in the U.S. in recent years, the decision to have one child has been more popular in other countries for some time.
Separate The Stigmas From Reality
No matter how a parent may feel about having an only child, there are likely reservations about only child-related myths. Some think of “only child syndrome”, which is based on assumptions that they grow up bossy, spoiled, antisocial, and self-absorbed. There’s even the nickname “lonely onlies”, which would undoubtedly worry any parent. All of these are general impressions, though, and not backed by data.
Studies dating back to the 1980’s showed that there are no distinct differences between singletons and non-singletons, besides only children having stronger parental bonds. More research suggests that only children tend to be more creative and imaginative, but may lack emotional self-regulation skills, though. This indicates that slight differences may occur, but they aren’t all negative.
Think Of All The Love Your Child Gets
Without a sibling to compete with, only children become the recipient of their parent’s undivided attention. It can be challenging for parents to be both playmates and parents. This can also result in mom guilt when a child no longer wants to play solo. All of these feelings are valid, but it’s important to consider the blessing of these children having such a tight-knit bond with their parents.
One mom discusses her experience of feeling like a better mom because she only has the one to worry about and pour herself into. They get an outpouring of love that is specific to them being an only child, which overwhelmed or guilt-ridden parents can remind themselves of.
Only children also have the opportunity to develop their own passions more concretely. They’re able to do what they want and choose the experiences they prefer to excel in based solely on their own preferences. The only child gets exclusive love from their parents, the chance to independently play and learn about who they are, while also being able to develop social skills with extended family or friends at school. Parents can feel assured that they are not lacking and will be fulfilled, even without a sibling.
Having an only child comes with both perks and challenges. Parents tend to second-guess themselves or feel guilty. People often question it with unintentional judgment, assuming they’re lonely or have socially awkward tendencies. Knowing that your family is content with this choice can make it easier to encounter these situations with more confidence. Your family is perfect the way that it is!
Sources: Romper.com, Today’s Parent, WRAL News, Patch.com
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