[ad_1]
Many of us have a vision of what motherhood will be like, long before actually becoming a mom. Some moms know they will be integrating their careers while others decide to focus on being a mother. While these visions tend to adapt over time, there are times when what we envisioned gets turned upside down, and the life we live isn’t close to what we pictured.
Surprisingly, it’s better.
Let me explain.
I was a career-oriented, ambitious professional that had a career I was proud of before giving birth to my daughter. Now I’m a full-time mom, and it’s been quite the journey embracing that reality. Now that I have, though, I can’t imagine my life any other way.
If you had asked me years ago whether I would ever be a stay-at-home mom, I would’ve laughed out loud and replied, “no way”. If I’m being completely transparent, I was guilty of not understanding the role of a SAHM. Also, I pictured myself as someone who prioritized my career and worked really hard. I had multiple degrees. I had a lifestyle that involved memories, vacations, and experiences that my income supported. I thought of the hard-earned money I’d saved.
I’d think, “how and why would I give that up in order to be a mom?” Now, I don’t say that lightly. I really wanted to be a mother. I just didn’t think it was necessary to pick one over the other. I thought it would be simple to do both: keep my career and be a great mom.
There was no doubt in my mind that I would simultaneously juggle working and motherhood. I’d balanced becoming a stepmom to an older child in the past and a lot of other priorities. Plenty of my friends and colleagues were working moms. “I can do this,” I thought.
Just like I always had in my career, I knew that I needed to prepare for success in this new role. I had a full-time daycare picked out months in advance. I proactively spoke with my employer’s human resources department to submit the appropriate paperwork for my time out of the office. I planned my finances. I voluntarily took childbirth classes and breastfeeding classes. I registered for all kinds of items I’d read that moms needed after returning to work. Even though I knew it would be tough to leave my baby when the time came, this was what I always envisioned for myself. However, life unexpectedly dealt cards that led to me stepping away from my career.
When my baby was about six months old, I resigned from my position and had to focus on solely being a mom.
Following a devastating, permanent birth injury diagnosis, I’d taken time to gather the information necessary to understand what her injury care and recovery would look like. Once I understood my involvement and her schedule, I knew that I’d been wrong. There was actually no way I could return to work and be a mom, no matter how much I had prepared.
I had a birth with complications.
I won’t lie… Since I never planned on putting my career aside, and I was upset about my baby’s injury, I had a lot of conflicting emotions. I’d never anticipated spending so much time with doctors, surgeons, and pediatric physical therapists. I would have done anything for my child. It was just a difficult time, and an even more difficult life transition. On my darkest days, I’d feel like I’d let people down. As if I had somehow been dishonest in planning to return to work, even though I had no way of knowing what would happen during childbirth. I felt like the work I had done the decade after college and my degrees were now things of the past. Had they been a waste of time?
I know this is how a lot of moms feel when they have established a career and then take on full-time motherhood either willingly or unwillingly.
But I’m happy to say I no longer feel this way. The weight of these expectations has been lifted so much in recent years, and it’s so freeing to just be content with where I’m at. With the life I now have. The goal I had with sharing my story is that maybe other moms that are going through uncomfortable seasons could learn something from my journey.
Role shifts or life changes are other chapters in our story–we have many in life–and viewing them through that lens makes it a little easier to digest. Knowing that huge transitions are temporary seasons through the course of life can lighten the blow, even if just a little. Somehow, someway, there will always be a light at the end of the tunnel. It’s hard, and it doesn’t mean that getting through it will be easy. But the peace I felt in knowing that hard times don’t last forever helped me to choose joy wherever and however I could.
I realize this might sound cliché. But it’s true. Even if I couldn’t change my circumstances, I certainly could change the way I approach each and every day. The mindset I had each morning when I woke up. How I reacted when things got tough. Did I want to live in a self-agonizing state? Did I want to dwell on my past? No. I wanted to be happy, and I wanted my family to be happy, too.
Before I got to that point, I’d wonder how I could shift my perspective from “the glass is half empty” to “the glass is half full”. The figurative glass was like my life: no matter how I looked at it, the outcome was still the same. I knew that I needed to stop focusing on the empty part of the glass, or my life, and appreciate the water that was in the glass, or my life.
What made all the difference was finding gratitude for the moments I now had with my daughter that I wouldn’t normally have had. I’d take in the reality of enjoying the park with my child on a weekday after appointments. I’d marvel at the fact I could accept invites to play dates in the middle of the day. We could enjoy activities together that I wouldn’t have time for as a working mom. I distinctly remember looking down at my watch one day and seeing that it was 11:37 a.m., and my toes were in the sand, next to my precious daughter at the beach. She was happy, and so was I.
This is what I’d dreamed of. My life may not have looked like I pictured, but it was even better.
It’s understandable to mourn who we once were, who we thought we’d always be. We can recognize that sometimes life isn’t fair. But the less power we give those thoughts, and the more effort we put into making the best of our situation, the happier we become. You deserve to be happy–and your children are worth it.
The period of time with small children is a short one. There will come a day that they will go off to school or no longer desire the company of mom all day every day. It’s just like they always say:
“The days are long, but the years are truly short.”
As I approach the end of the toddler stage, knowing that I will be turning my baby over to school in the coming years, I’m so glad that I have learned to embrace this role I never expected to have. I’m grateful that I was able to focus on positivity, despite the circumstances we went through. I hope this is something I’ve modeled for my child.
I believe that moms truly are superheroes, and deal with unbelievable things. But I also know that we tend to place unrealistic pressures on ourselves that, in reality, are often unnecessary. I urge you to think about your life and the transitions you’ve made. Is there a way that you can let go of your visions and adjust your perspective in a way that makes life more bearable? More enjoyable?
I hope that all moms realize that in motherhood, you are using your full potential. New chapters are painful, or not what you expected, you might be surprised by what happens if you keep turning the page.
SAHM life is no walk in the park, and I know first-hand that the work never ends. But if you are a SAHM that is struggling with the transition to your new role like I was, I hope that you can learn to embrace it for the sake of your future memories.
[ad_2]