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Never in the history of time have parents had more information at their fingertips than in the 21st century. Mom and Dad may not know exactly what they’re supposed to do with that little bundle of joy fresh from the hospital, but with several Google searches and the help of a few Reddit commentators, parents muddle their way through, learning, evaluating and diagnosing.
But not all information is good information, and the mass influx of inaccurate advice can come at a cost for parents and toddlers. The fictitious nature of some developmental myths makes them easy to ignore, but others are far more ingrained in the culture of child-rearing and can cause a great deal of stress in the home.
Parenting is hard work, so let’s not make it more difficult – here are a few of the most commonly held toddler myths that you can safely kick to the curb.
Earlier Is Better
Before their little one even enters the world, parents begin dreaming about all the precious milestones they’ll get to witness. It’s an exciting thing to have front-row seats to a tiny human’s developmental process, and such anticipation can cause parents to inadvertently rush the process.
The birth of social media didn’t help this habit, as parents routinely compare their child to others in their friend group, community, or the world at large, constantly wondering if their toddler is developmentally on track. The comparison game eventually turns into a race, causing parents to buy all the flashcards and purchase all the equipment to get their toddler to walk, talk, read, and eat faster than her peers.
But early childhood education specialist Rae Pica warns parents that the “earlier is better” message is more myth than fact, stressing that child growth and development is a natural process that shouldn’t be rushed.
“The harm is that, well, for one thing, it puts a lot of pressure on parents. For another, it puts a lot of pressure on the children because child development is a process, and it can’t be accelerated. When they can’t do what we’re asking them to do because they’re not developmentally ready to do it, they’re not supposed to be doing it yet, it puts a lot of pressure on them. They feel anxious and depressed and just plain unhappy.”
The range of “normal” within child development is very broad, and by coercing toddlers to develop faster than their capabilities, parents inadvertently cause unnecessary stress, making it even more difficult for their child to learn and develop appropriately.
Play Isn’t Productive
Flashcards, DVDs, and apps galore are found in droves all over homes across the US. Parents want their children to thrive, and such desires can often cause a priority shift in learning overplaying. But what many parents don’t realize is that play is perhaps the most effective way that toddlers learn. It allows children to develop social skills, increases concentration, encourages creativity and imagination, and provides practice in both gross and fine motor skills.
Parenting author Sarah Ockwell-Smith encourages parents to embrace the presence of play in their toddlers’ life and to view it as instrumental, rather than supplemental to development.
“Toddlers don’t need to know how to read or write, they don’t need to be able to recite the alphabet or count to as high a number as possible. The primary role of the toddler is to play. Play and play some more. Everything they need to learn can be achieved through the love and attention of their parents and play.”
So let that toddler jump in the mud puddle and don’t interrupt their block tower construction zone; there’s plenty of learning taking place.
Tantrums = Naughty Child
Toddlers are developing at a rapid pace, and their newly found skills in speech and movement can sometimes cause parents to forget that their ability to emotionally regulate remains fairly undeveloped. With high emotions and low regulation skills, tantrums are an obvious result — but many parents mistakenly view them as a sign of naughtiness.
Tantrums are a completely normal part of childhood. They’re not a sign of poor parenting; they’re not an indicator of future problems, and they don’t indicate any underlying issues. According to Ockwell-Smith, they’re simply the brain’s way of handling something that it’s not yet capable of processing.
“Toddlers tantrum quite simply because the emotional regulation center of their brain is too immature to keep a lid on their big emotions. When you and I are angry we know it is not appropriate to scream at the top of our lungs in the street, and as adults we are able to ‘self talk’ ourselves into a calmer state. Toddlers can’t.”
So, while parents should certainly be granting their toddlers lots of grace as they navigate the journey of childhood, they also should remember to reflect that same grace back upon themselves. Cut back on the Google searches; let go of the learning reins, and let your toddler be a toddler — mud puddles, tantrums, and all.
Sources: Janet Lansbury, Huffington Post, Family Lives
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